A friendship is an unique relationship. You don’t choose your family but you do choose your friends. Families are great – you just have them and since you are connected, you stay there for them.
But friends are those with whom you spend the time together, evaluate and then commit to a relationship which might take ages to realise. Sometimes you act shy, slowly unwrapping your true self and then one day – you let go. But that doesn’t mean your friend has shed all their inhibitions. Sometimes it takes one year and sometimes forever to build that trust, loyalty and connection.
And sometimes it never happens and you remain as a colleague which is a beautiful relationship too. But every relationship has its age. And you might think that friendship stays forever but that is an illusion.
And that illusion is needed. Because the alternative is where you are scared to commit because it might get over. Well, life is short and you can’t guarantee that your life is forever. One because there is scientific evidence and second because it is painful to live forever. So the life is nothing but a beautiful basket of moments and it’s better if you live it that way.
Now considering your first friend, in a sense you didn’t choose her too. Because you became friends with the first person besides whom you sat.
Sure as you grew, you started exploring and made meaningful and not so meaningful connection. But you will still have that one friend who was just random. And she is now one of your closest.
Taking this into consideration, if you take random chances with people then you might still end up with meaningful connections. There are two reasons for this – one you will resonate your energy and attract similar random people and another you will get used to the company.
At this point, you never imagine what it would be like to lose one of your friends. Any reasons which you can think of seems silly and irrational. After all you are a wise, rational and calm person. But deep inside you know you are just as flawed as others. You are trying to be good because it is the best thing to do. But you have darkest thoughts. But it’s okay as long as you don’t act on it.
A relationship – especially seems like forever and the family where you are many indifferences seems like a jail. So you imagine that you will end up with good friends with life and a great family.
If you do then great for you. The reality is that often you will find yourself with family and the circle of friends will keep changing. Forever isn’t really forever – or is it…?
The Ticking Time Bomb
You will get tired about other people’s shit. And they will do. But since you are friends, it will be difficult to share how you feel.
And there will be moments of disagreements and awkward moments. And sometimes you will make her feel bad because she has changed. Or you might be the one who is feeling bad.
Either way, you have two choices – one get ready for some mature talk. Realise that there will be differences between people and accept them. Do the compromise because no matter how much you are negotiating the other person has to deal with your dark side too.
If something is off limits then say so. That way you can control yourself and continue the beautiful relationship you have crafted for yourself.
But this can’t happen with every one of your relationship. So you have to let go of some people. And in other cases, you are the one who feel broken up. The pain is there and so are the phases.
Five Phases Of Breakup
Once your friend or co-worker or anyone with whom you had some connections says goodbye to you, it hurts. But there are 5 phases through which you and everyone goes through –
- Denial: Initially you reject every idea that such a thing has happened. So despite the no-talking, no-interaction, you are trying to convince that it’s all going to be alright.
- Trying: At this point, you realise that something is off, so you try hard to make things good. But since the other person has already blocked you and doesn’t want to see you, all your attempts go in vain. They are simply not acknowledged.
- Realisation: And then it hits you hard. It’s over and there is no scope.
- Memories: You are living a normal life but then some memories comes up and it makes you smile and hurt at the same time. You wonder about how things could have gone and then take a sigh.
- Moving On: After a significant time, you realise life is more and you are not done yet. You move on. Sure the memories do come sometimes – you smile and go about your day.
Sure there might be many things she could have done, realised and understood your feelings before breaking up. How can someone think of hurting someone so much.
But then you do the same with other people. Sometimes you are one on the receiving end and sometimes on the giving end. It’s difficult on both sides. If you are true with yourself then you can understand that it wasn’t easy for her too.
In most relationship, most of the times it is the communication gap which is the start of the problem. And then you start playing mind games to manipulate, find out supposedly truth and instead do mean things.
Mind games aren’t fun. They do more harm in relationships where you seek meaning.
Trust me, the best thing to do is talk and sort it out. If it doesn’t work then you saved all the trouble and found out fast. Either way, don’t play stupid games – else you will win stupid prize. E.g. She broke up…