How To Get Over A Friend?

How To Get Over A Friend?

Friends are amazing. They are like extended family members. When you feel sad, your friends help you to lessen the pain. When you feel happy, your friends triple your fun. And when you need advice, they help you.

And the best thing is – most of the times, you call them to stand by them. Feel the energy and live memories together.

No reason is a good reason to meet a friend.

But…

All relationships have an expiry date. Nothing lasts forever. Whatever forever means to you. It hurts when your friendship has to end. It ends because one of you change to an extent that there can’t be a bond. Or one of you gets married and now the whole focus is on the new person. Your friends start to dim. And finally, when you change your physical location. Part of being friends is sharing space, time and having fun.

Promises are true only till the time it is true. And then it isn’t. You move ahead in your life and so do they.

As such, how should you approach friendships? The truth is to experience as it is. Because you don’t know the end. You can’t. Your friendship may last a few months to a few decades.

So, the best approach is to assume it is going to last decades. And do your best. If it lasts, then good.

Else, take the pain – cry, if you want. But move on with your life. Maybe you find no one like your old friend. And that’s alright. However, you will find someone else who will bring something new to your life. And there you will have a new friend. The journey continues.

You can’t force your friendships. Being persistent only makes you look desperate. And that’s a bad start.

Take your time. Be yourself, become better and engage. This way, you will connect with some, find a rhythm with some and make friendships with a few.

There is a famous quote, “You can’t have thousands of friends.”

That’s not how it works. You may know thousands of people. Maybe thousands are following you on social media. But often, it’s an interaction. And that’s how life is lived.

You get close to a few. And share different versions of you with different people. Your deep dark version is often reserved for self.

Your closest friend or sometimes friends get to see you almost as you are. It’s scary to share your absolute truth. But you get there by developing connection over years.

A sign of good friendship is that after it breaks – no one uses each others secret as a weapon to revenge. Because there is nothing to take revenge. It’s always better to end things on a high note. Then to let it get ugly. And you ending up having bad feelings about each other.

How do you navigate the mishaps which might happen? Many relationships like friendship get broken because of misunderstandings.

Let’s say your friend comes in late for a meeting – you assume the worst possible reason. And subconsciously you hold them in a bad light. Do these enough times and you will burst out at some other time.

Instead, whenever seemingly bad or uncomfortable things happen – don’t assume anything bad. Say to yourself – your friend might be busy in a job and that’s why she came late. Let’s not make her feel bad. Continue the meeting without first interrogating for 20 minutes.

A bad thing only feels that way because you keep insisting on reliving it many times. By asking questions, probing deep and repeating them many times.

Let it go.

As an urban legend goes, two monks were roaming in the forest. They saw a naked woman trying to cross a river. One of the monks helped her by lifting her and crossing the river. After walking 500 meters, the other monk said – how did you as a monk touched a naked woman. What went into your mind?

The first monk said – I lifted the naked woman and dropped her back at the river bank. You are carrying her till here in your mind. Whose moral is in question?