Why Would Someone Call Off The Plan Of Meeting With You?
Culture is varied across continents. And when you consider some countries like India or China, which is big in population. You find culture changing rapidly. Or you can say there are many sub-culture and norms which exists.
In western culture, you have to make an appointment if you want to meet with your parents after you move out. While in eastern culture, you take care of your parents for life. And vice versa.
When you think about this contradiction – this single thing has an enormous effect on how you will be raised, your ideologies and principles in life.
The western people had to become self-reliant fast because their parents will kick them out of their home.
While in India, you can do nothing, and still, your parents will take care of you. That way, if someone is slow in her abilities, she can take time. The parents are here to support you and help you succeed.
The relationships are beautifully intertwined in eastern culture. Whereas in western, you are doing most things on the surface. Real emotions flow in the east. And you can see the same thing in the movies portrayed.
What Are Friends For
You don’t choose your family. You are born into one. Brothers, sisters and relatives – you have them and have to make it work.
Friends are another breed. They are the extended family members – chosen by you. They are informal, and you share a lot, sometimes more information with friends than family members.
When a friend comes to your home, you don’t pretend formal. Nor does she try to act like a guest. Because she isn’t one. She can roam around the house, eat some food and do whatever. It’s as much her home as it is yours.
When things go south, you have a friend to share your loss. You cry, make mistakes and create a memory with friends. You can have a family-type vacation with friends. But there are other types which you do with only friends.
Things like adventurous sports, going on full night parties, getting drunk and so on. You share the intimate details and seek advice. You are shy of your family, that’s an eastern thing largely. But still many parents all around the world are conservative with their kids to some extent.
Friends are the only ray of sunshine where you can be anything and no fear of any judgement or backlash.
When you lead a healthy life like many others, your life revolves around the same activities. Every week for 5 days, you go to a job. And you travel a lot to get to the job. Such that your time is consumed by doing the work. And you don’t get enough time to rest at home.
The limited-time you get is spent on watching some shows on Netflix. Because that is a new rage and passively consumption of content makes your brain release dopamine.
You get the sensation of happiness, and you don’t care about anything more. You eat the food, watch some social media on the phone. And bam – you sleep.
Next day, you repeat the same things and keep doing it until the weekend comes. That’s the day when you don’t have to go to the job. And you can do things like socializing with your family members, catch up on any work and just rest on the bed.
Also, weekends bring a smile to your face – because that’s the time when you see your buddies. You meet, have fun and eat. Simple – creating memories for a lifetime to treasure. Or keep doing this forever, it is amazing.
The Call Answered
Calls are synchronous connection system because both the caller and receiver need to be available at the same time. But the messages are asynchronous system because the recipient can receive the message at any time as per her convenience.
There is an opportunity cost with any decision. When you say you are going to meet a friend – that means you aren’t meeting with other friends at the same time.
But a promise, commitment is greater than anything you can ever do. So when your friend commits to meet you, you show up. You don’t double confirm – because she is your friend.
But what if you arrive at the common location and she isn’t there. You wait for 1 hour – hoping she will arrive. But nothing. And then you hesitantly give a call. Ring…ring… and ring…
No one picks up.
You stare at the screen and hope that she at least sends a message. But nothing – you keep standing there for another 15 minutes. Now, you give up and head back home. You wonder about many possibilities, and it makes you uneasy.
When you meet her the next weekend, you realize she decided to go for another event. Something important to her over you. And of course, she didn’t inform you because where were you gonna go.
Yes, she loves your companionship, enjoys the time and have fun. But it is always a secondary engagement. As long as she has nothing else to do, she will join you.
You, on the other hand – have committed to meet her. And if something else comes up, you inform well in advance to be respectful of her time.
But she doesn’t do it. And you feel sad.
When someone else is your priority, and you are their option, it hurts. You take a deep sigh and hope that this is the compromise for the relationship to flourish.
However, this response only makes her feel okay to continue doing so. Once, twice and then after fifteen times, you had enough. The pain is unbearable, and you want to put an end to this.
But how could you – 5 years have passed, and there are beautiful memories attached to it. Ending this friendship means ending all of those memories. And it will hurt more…
Forever And Being Present
Can anyone be for forever? It’s an illusion to think that any relationship will go on forever. There is a time limit for every connection.
And it can be 2 hours or 20 years. But if you consider the value of the relationship based on the fact that it ended badly or it is going to end, then it hurts.
There is another way to look at things. The best approach is to live in the present and take things as if. Embrace the fact that things are temporary. You are temporary on this Earth. So take things as they come by and accept if they vanish from your life.
Remember, as things or people break the connection with you – there form new connections too. And you can enjoy both of them – one as memory and another as the current reality.
Sit down – think about it. You don’t have hate or destroy the memories because you are breaking off from someone. You can keep the good memories close to your heart. Those memories are part of the reason – why you are like you.
And don’t let the negativity fall into the current connection you are hoping to make. Yes, it’s hard. Yes, you are emotional, and you want it to be forever.
Let’s just enjoy the feel, warmth and reality as of now. And keep doing it. What is forever, an illusion anyway.
All of this can be known when you talk. Because if you assume, then you will be doing a disservice to your relationship. And that’s bad. Most of the relationships fail or become a disaster because the people involved don’t talk.
They assume what is going on – and channel a narrative in their head. And often those assumptions are the most negative ones.
And then there is confirmation bias. You only see the evidence which supports your assumptions. And ignore all the other things which would throw your assumptions. And then you start acting accordingly. There is a stir, and you end up not believing anything. The line between truth and lie doesn’t exist.
And since, you have been taking emotional turmoil for so long, you give up. And it hurts. So you cry and hope that the future is better. It will be – but if you keep assuming and not talking, then the things will repeat. Sometimes when you are in multiple bad relationships, you are the problem.
If your friend doesn’t show up, cancel the plan or anything of surprise, always assume the best. Instead of assuming that she is careless, think of how she can be in traffic. Instead of thinking, why she doesn’t pick up the phone – think how her phone is on the silent mode by accident.
This will give you peace of mind and not make up bad stories for her lacking if any. And when you get to meet her – talk and sort out any doubts.
It’s that easy. Life happens, be open to possibilities and talk freely. You choose, you do better.