Chilling in the night, I went on a journey to capture the moments of life. Delusional, frightened and carefree, I stumbled upon the craziest moment. I fell. Down on the desert, all alone. There was a light in my head.
It took all the dramatic turns, I failed, I succeeded, I failed again. Cars were all over, I was amused by it, dragons were consoling me.
I hated to love, went on a roller-coaster, cried a lot and then laughed out loud. I felt poor, I bought the car. Walked all night.
Cowboys were my fascination, I was shot dead. Frenzy wind took all over me, today I am 56 years old. Things do look different.
Chapter 1: Childhood Drama
Being old with age is an inevitable phenomenon, I am old with a heart too. I am 56 years old, it feels like a century has passed.
Growing up, I was in a recovery phase, being shot by the terrorist doesn’t happen every day. I was 5 years young, my parents were loosening up with their anniversary party and I was enjoying my ice-cream.
Cars were crashing, I thought it was a movie and my parents were a hero. We all think our parents are indeed. Reality kicked in immediately, from what others have told me, there was massive firing, I was shot too. My parents fell to the floor.
I was unconscious from the huge sound and trauma, the bullet didn’t hit me, it went straight to my heart from my parent’s heart. They were shot, I died.
Covered in blood, I was lost. Who took me to hospital after firing is a mystery, I believe an angel came, now I know it was a good human most of us are lacking. 10 years in life, everyday train rides would make me happy.
Winds gushing towards my face would uplift me, being a tampered child, my caretakers were happy there was something that would uplift me. For me, that was the moment of greatest joy.
Lacking everything in life, for that moment forgetting everything was a joy. I wasn’t helping myself, I was just being a kid. Everyone likes unusual things, for me, it was wind across my face and my tongue out.
After being traumatic, the very first movie I saw was of a cowboy shooting with bullets, it activated the wire in my brain. I was going on flashback mode, crying with no one to help. Soundless cries are never heard.
The pain got over me, I grew up. They thought it was a cowboy movie keeping me happy and silent. I was crying with pain for years, no voice was heard like that night. I was fearing it, they were getting the fun in it. I couldn’t understand and hated them.
Even for everything my caretaker did, I hated to love them. Now I see back, gluing things together one piece at a time, things do look different now.
Chapter 2: Love Story
My life wasn’t going on a good note, growing up I absorbed more hate than I can handle. This reflected in my behavior, rude and carefree.
People around me were unfriendly because of my attitude and I was looking at the world through a glass of broken hopes and barriers. Everyone seemed like an enemy, I needed love, my past experiences just won’t allow them to happen.
Invisible cage had caught me and I couldn’t fly, touch the sky and get back to normal, I wish I could go back and tell my younger self to be more open, talk more, share problems.
Only if I could. Things do change, it is permanent.
My parents had left me a fortune, not millions of dollars. Enough for me to survive my life with ease. Money was not my focus, the understanding world was. I had little clue, it was me who needed medication.
To get over the frustration, I used to find some escape. Each day was a different experience, from cooking to dance. One day I felt the need to go on a roller-coaster.
It was terrifying, I under-estimated it. I was shouting through all the turns, besides me was the beautiful girl I wasn’t able to contact my eyes. I felt terrible as our first meeting was the one where I screamed and cried like a kid.
She had come with her friends there and me all alone. She initiated the talk, asked me about my ride. She was consoling me, I was feeling nice, acting more weirdly like a kid now.
One thing led to another, we became nice friends, we used to meet once in a week and share our experiences, she used to laugh out loud on silly things.
Her ability to find happiness in little things amazed me. I was showered with many things, I could have done the same, be happy in small moments of life. And there I was very angry about my life. I felt so mean about me.
I felt there was something more than just friendship between us, it was the moments she was spending with me, giving me more out of life. I think I was in love.
She had given me so much, I felt very poor.
I planned on taking her to places, spend more quality time with her, talked about it with my caretakers.
They were happy to see me getting back to normal, I only cared about giving happiness to her. Love is a beautiful thing, it can make a rude, ignorant boy to a lovable person who is caring.
I managed to buy a car with the money I was left with. We drove to beautiful places. On one such drive, I confessed my love to her. She with her popped eyes said we need to slow down.
Was it a NO from her side, I was confused.
When we were returning back, she asked to stop my car at least 3 km from her home. She asked me to walk her home.
On the way, she told me she was suffering from a heart problem, it could be any moment she could pass away. She couldn’t manage the funds when there was time, nowhere condition was critical. She had only a few months to live. She asked me, you don’t want to spend your life grieving over me. I was taken back.
I was hurt, tears rolled down my eyes and I hugged her tightly. I told her, no matter how much time, I will be with her. She made me get to normal. I won’t let her suffer all alone. I promised to make her day every day.
She smiled. Yes, she was like that.
Chapter 3: Back To Square One
I was walking back home, immersed in thought. I realized life had brought me back to the same situation as before.
After the loss of my parents, I failed in my life. Saw it with disturbing thinking and everything I did only make me sadder.
She made me smile, laugh and understands life. Admire it and live it every moment. My biggest success was when I found her and made my friend. It seemed like I failed again.
This time, I wasn’t a kid. I was a grown-up man, able to understand the importance and take it with a big heart.
I was thinking this happened to me only to get me back with my life. If it wasn’t she, I don’t know what I would be doing with my life. Now it was colorful, meaningful and full of excitement because of her.
Seeing cars all over, it made me realize, cars are good however they don’t make the impact compared to walking hand in hand with the person you love. I was amused by it.
Love is awesome, you feel like you have gone to another world. Everything seems like a fairy tale, I could see roads dancing, birds talking to me and dragons printed in my t-shirt consoling me.
I loved her. She loved me back. That was the best feeling ever.
Chapter 4: Lessons Learnt
It had been years after she had passed, I still walk along the path. Doesn’t matter the weather, it is always chilling for me.
I became a better person, made a better life for self and apologized everyone I could for my past behavior.
Being a photographer, I caught the moments of people’s life. Gave them the happiness they were experiencing in frames. I couldn’t have imagined that a carefree, delusional and frightened kid would go on to become a person people would come to advise for.
Stumbling on the paths with her was the craziest moment of my life. That time when I did fell, it was for good, I was in love.
Now once again, I was deserted, all alone.
This time however I wasn’t that kid which I grew up too. I made a better life with beautiful experiences, loved every moment and am happy about it.
Sometimes I could visualize light in my head. It seemed like she was still caring for me from heaven. I always reply I love you.