Loving someone is a long process. You can’t push it. You can try to act as if, But that’s the truth of it. You are acting.
Real love takes time – to understand, care and indulge. Things don’t move fast else; it is a hint. Take that hint and run away. Like a bride but to not be a bride. Life is like that, it gives you hint and then rewards you for acting on them. But she said – she is in love. You believed it. And now, you pay the price. Of the dinner bill, of the fights, she picks up, and for the irrational fights, you will have.
There is a door, you can get out. But that’s the physical door. The emotional one is hard, and it takes all of your energy to be distant. Emotional connection happens automatically. Mostly on one side, the other person knows this. But acts as if. Because it is a power game. You can either submerge to the love or dominate.
And tell me the truth – you will choose the domination game if you had the power. You never can choose, it’s love. Just look at her and think.
All the beautiful things she said, the roses, smell of muffin and the beautiful dress she wore. But you can’t think beyond.
The imagination stops. You think of her again, you want to. But there’s work too. And now, you feel trapped. Like a guinea who runs all day but reaches nowhere.
The heart races like never before. Because the heart doesn’t work along with the brain. Hence, loves often gets irrational. But that’s the beauty too.
You dress well, you have to. You smell nice, you have to. You expect her to be more beautiful than you – that’s the magical draw. But then you fumble, forget and rush – she is waiting for you. The long road seems longer. And her eyes are drawing you in. You smile but not too much.
You resist to joke but joke anyway – she doesn’t laugh. Things become quiet, like super quiet. You remark on something ordinary.
The silence often draws you crazy and makes you do stupid things. But you fail to realize that the silence is the magical thing which is required for your soul to meet and be comfortable.
But the damage is done, you fall emotionally,. You are crying or hope to. But men can’t cry. You aren’t a girl. You are worse at this moment. You want the earth to swallow you, and it does try. But nothing happens. Even she didn’t want a loser like you. These thoughts are harsh, but these are your thoughts. Why are you so harsh on yourself..?
You receive a call. She ain’t coming. You come to the realization that all of the date scenes happened was in your dream. Daydreaming is beautiful. But for you, it turned out to be bad. It’s harsh – but she said – Cancel The Plan.
It pinched you. Words weren’t coming out of your mouth, and you wanted to shout. But all you could muster was – Okay.
Yes, the lie which you tell every day so that you can hide your tears and make the day pass. It hurts to hear that she won’t be seeing you.
At least, she should have done one date before moving on. But then again – you realize that would be harsher.
You curse life, her and everything. You cry – first loud, and then the slow sobbing continues. Life starts to seem dark. You go about the night, sleeping on your couch, thinking about her.
You realize it will hurt for a long time. And it did.
Cancelling the plan happens all the time. Don’t overthink. Accept and make new plans. Everyone is worth it until they aren’t. Then you can find someone else, that’s life. Choose to be happy regardless, that’s the best way to live when plans get cancelled.