Elskling

I feel that there are many places to pause and take notes or analyze throughout the movie. After coming out, I heard the girl next to me say that this is very typical of East Asia. Maybe she wanted to talk about East Asian trauma or communication mode. But I feel that this is human. Most people's communication mode. At the beginning of the movie, I felt that the expression was very bad. They didn't express care, trauma, or needs. They used attacks to express needs, and then lost their tempers with each other. I feel that if these people mastered the method of communication, more than half of the plot conflicts in the world's movies would disappear. Later, I saw the gaslight effect. Push a person to a hysterical and crazy state, and then prove to this person that you are a lunatic. I saw that the heroine squeezed out a lot of her work time during the hero's long business trip, raised 4 children, and her life was a mess. There was a lot of pressure and she couldn't take care of various things. Then the heroine was very upset. When the hero came back and told him that he would go on a business trip again next time, she began to lose control of her emotions. Then the boy told her that she should take an emotion management class and change her temper. At first, the girl's intuition told him that this couldn't be right, and her emotions needed to be viewed in a larger context. But later, when they began to propose separation or divorce, the girl began to search for emotion management courses on the Internet. Then she hoped to ask her husband if she would not leave if she learned these things. But it's impossible. You are in such an environment, facing so much pressure, how can you be very emotionally stable? Why not deal with the environment that makes you crazy, but deal with the crazy subject? Later, they went to see a psychological counselor together. The boy kept expressing that he wanted more private space and work space, and the girl would say that I don't have space anymore. You are the one who has more space than me, why are you asking me for more space. In the later scenes, it brought a very bad mother-daughter relationship, that is, the heroine and her daughter, and then entered the heroine and her mother. Her mother has been instilling in her a concept that the women in our family are very strong and independent, and can survive everything without anyone. In the plot of visiting the mother, there is a very obvious thing, which is the unconscious belittlement of the other party. You brought me a gift, which is really good, but I don't like it. You came to see me, but I want to hit you. So we can see that the emotional expression of the girl in the marriage is actually very similar to the emotional expression of her mother to her. "I want to make you feel bad, make you feel bad." In fact, there are many deficiencies and dissatisfaction with the current life situation, feeling that they are not accepted, understood, and loved. But they can't directly say what they need. There is no way to directly expose their own vulnerability, and there is no way to propose the solution they want to the other party, so they will use a hidden way to find the balance, that is, quietly stabbing the other party to vent their anger. But the party who is belittled or stabbed will actually feel it, so a mutual hidden attack is formed. Later, when the heroine's daughter returned to the family and began to express belittlement and attack to the heroine, the heroine did not have any angry reaction. She just understood her and accepted her. So the daughter cried. The heroine said to herself in the mirror that you are good, you deserve to be loved, you desire to be loved, there is no problem. In fact, loving yourself is really a great ability and proposition. And you have to believe that you can be loved by others and believe that others can accept you. Most of the stories unfold because of lack, and this lack of people in a family relationship may be passed down to their children, or outward to their family members. So we can see very broken communication like the beginning, and very aggressive expression of needs. Many people live as if they don't need love, but they just pretend that they don't need love. In the end, the couple sat in a cafe and talked. The girl said, I always dare not accept your love. I don't know if you will let go when I tell you that I need a hug? The boy said, do you really think so? But he soon discovered his own problem. He never really expressed his needs. The whole movie is a huge communication problem. Although I think it is obviously not comprehensive to summarize this movie with communication, because there are still very important propositions that have not been discussed. I think the boy is indeed avoiding the emotional and care obligations in the family, avoiding labor, and he has his own work space to hide. But the girl does not. This proposition is covered up under communication. But expressing love, feelings, needs, solutions, and believing that you can be accepted is always much better than using attacks and belittlement to ask for care. Just like when the male protagonist tried to sort out the clothes for the family, it was actually better to express his needs. The method is not to constantly belittle him, saying that you can't even sort this, and you can't even do that. If you want him to do more for the family, you should praise him and compliment him. Why work in the opposite direction?

More of a marriage story than "Marriage Story", more suffocating self-judgment than "The Falling Judgement". The plight of women is once again exposed nakedly. The two are not just the troubles brought about by marriage and intimate relationships, but the profound self-exploration extending from the intergenerational scars of mothers and daughters in their original families throughout women's lives. The feeling of unworthiness, the self-identity that can never be achieved, the desire for love but the wrong expression of love, the inferiority in the relationship that is grasped in a hurtful way... Such a grand and complex, but real and even universal topic is condensed in these short 100 minutes. What I feel is the familiar self and the sadness at the moment of the end.

The topic of the film is sad and hurtful, and I even think that people who are in the same predicament will feel offended and uncomfortable. The person who gave was finally trapped and became the abandoned person, and was also "judged" as someone who made mistakes and needed to improve. It seems unacceptable anyway. But when we step out of ourselves and observe her behavior, it is hard not to feel suffocated. This is the dilemma of many people today, and it has even been analyzed as a problem again and again. Why do they complain while giving, and suffer but don't leave? And it seems that we have found some answers by following the footsteps of the heroine: believing that she cannot meet her mother's expectations since she was a child will make her feel that she is not good enough. The feeling of unworthiness and inferiority extends to intimate relationships when she grows up. She tries her best to be a "perfect" wife and mother, but because she forces herself beyond her ability, she falls into a state of tension. The tense state makes her constantly "seek love from outside", and everyone around her is tense and uncomfortable. As a result, cracks appear in the intimate relationship, and the parent-child relationship attacks each other. The more this happens, the more it seems to prove in the opposite direction that she cannot get love. So emotions are like quicksand, the more you hold on, the more you lose, and eventually you become unbalanced inside and deformed in behavior.

I feel sorry for her, as I did too. But I am more grateful for her final self-growth, because this is also an overlap between her and me. Learning to love yourself and finding yourself first must be the best way to solve everything. Affirming your own abilities and that you deserve to be loved is an ability. When she relaxed, accepted changes, accepted leaving, accepted her own strengths and weaknesses, and no longer chased after everyone's attention and love for her, she received a hug from her daughter and her husband's hand again. Yes, we always yearn to be loved, but loving yourself is the most attractive and easiest to be loved, but we often forget it. The film's photography and art are quite European and very gentle. The use of light and shadow and the arrangement of scenes are beautiful. The large amount of dialogue and the high concentration of discussion focus on the issues highlight the ability of the creators. The issues discussed have a strong commonality, which is amazing. The performance of the heroine is too deeply rooted in the hearts of the people.

In the first part of the movie, I felt that it was another stereotypical story about the negative impact of marriage on women, especially when I saw the heroine coming back from the supermarket, holding her child and carrying two large shopping bags. The heroine's complete loss of self is so real, especially when she is suffering from the hero's uncertainty. But when the two of them go to see a psychologist together, the true emotions and psychological state behind the story begin to emerge. The story revolves entirely around the heroine, and every relationship with her husband, children, friends and mother is conflicting and tense, always on the verge of collapse. Many shots of the heroine alone fully reveal her inner loneliness and desolation.

The conversation with the mother is great, expressing everything: the influence of the original family has always deeply affected the heroine, causing her to treat others the same way her mother treated her, suppressing others and making them uncomfortable, making them feel worse than themselves, and then not seeing their own badness, and then retaining others. Only self-loathing deep in the bones can produce such a seemingly unreasonable way of getting along in an intimate relationship. How can such a way bring happiness? In the end, the heroine confessed to herself in the mirror, which also expressed the theme of loving herself well. After loving herself, the relationship with her daughter is no longer tense, especially in the conversation with her husband, the husband clearly expressed himself for the first time, compared with his previous silence.

So, loving yourself well is the ultimate answer. It doesn't matter whether you are single or married, whether your family of origin is happy or not, or what happened in the past... When you start to love yourself, happiness begins.

I think this is the film that can resonate most with Chinese audiences in the main competition unit of this year's Beijing Film Festival, because the film tells a universal problem that may exist in every marriage that has experienced or is experiencing the "seven-year itch", regardless of whether it is a man or a woman - the proposition of love and being loved, dedication and demand, and giving and receiving in marriage and family. Because the heroine has made long-term contributions to the family, but has not received the expected emotional value and emotional return, but has received the indifference and perfunctory treatment of the hero, the disgust of the daughter and the blame of the mother, the long-term repression will naturally lead to hysterical quarrels, endless complaints and alienated separation. The problems of this family are obviously left to the audience to judge who is more to blame, but the valuable thing about the film is that through the exquisite, delicate, accurate and immersive performance of our leading actor Helga Gullen, the key to solving the problem is handed to us, that is, reconciliation with oneself, reconciliation with family, and smiling in the mirror to encourage oneself. Helga Gullen, who just won the Best Actress award, performed amazingly. She portrayed the sensitivity, fragility, hesitation, helplessness, release and reconciliation of a woman trapped in a marriage and emotional dilemma vividly and naturally. Especially the last scene where she talked and smiled in front of the mirror was very difficult to shoot and perform, leaving another classic scene in film history. But Helga Gullen said after the screening that she relied entirely on her own understanding and feelings of the role to perform naturally. She is really a natural actor.

The Tiantan Award for Best Film is well-deserved, but it is a little regrettable that there was no discussion among the judges after the screening this year. I actually cannot empathize with the heroine after watching this film, because I have seen too many similar cases around me. People must learn to love themselves before they can really love others. Otherwise, self-touching dedication is like a swamp, it is not beautiful, it swallows up oneself and others. I have seen mothers who yell and tutor their children every day, and chase their children to eat, sleep and dress. Her husband only needs to play games with the children and fight against the mother to get the children's favor. The mother is so angry that she wants to jump off the building. The father will stand on the side of the mother to scold the child. I don't think he feels sorry for the mother... I have seen housewives who give up their jobs and devote all their energy to the family. They have a strong desire to control every little thing. Just like the heroine, they are proud of this and attack other people. You see, everything in the family cannot be separated from me. You don’t love this family well. I can’t do other things because of you... I hope this movie will be introduced. I hope that those who are married or preparing to get married will go to see it. I hope that those who have parent-child problems will also go to see it. I hope that everyone who thinks they are trapped in the family can understand: the earth can still turn without you. You belong only to yourself. Only when you love yourself can you love others. You can also be the person who comes back from a six-week business trip to play with your children for two weeks and the children like it very much. It’s not too late when you really want to walk out.