My Fault…Not Yours

It is easy to believe you are the one who is right all the time. And others exist merely to put you down, belittle and take advantage of you.

When you see the world through this filter — it feels good. Because you see others as the potential enemy. And you end up being the hero the world needs — but deep inside you are fighting with the notion of doubt. Is this all true or a manifestation of the fear…

Or you are seeing the others fault and magnifying them. It helps to make your own mistakes seem less significant and you can enjoy in the self-created pool of winning stories.

The ideas, stories, and analogy you make every day is a reflection of how you want to be seen. And when you add all of it, the outcome should be something desirable, impactful and worthy of the work you have put in. Else it will crumble down under its own weight. Because deep down you know the work was built upon a lie.

The Arrangement

Living off the rent is a good deal for Lily, all she had to do is maintain the house every month and cash out the rent amount.

Since the house is connected to her main house, she didn’t worry much. The rent amount brings in the food and leisure money. And she herself doesn’t have to pay rent or mortgage because the house is fully paid for. It feels great to have inherited the house from the dead parents.

Lily who is 25-year-old with a graduate degree — feels there is more to life. And the rent money will allow her to explore without worrying about life and expenses in general.

Traveling around the city, partying and the going crazy are some of the things Lily aspired to do with the rent money and some of the savings she was handed. What good is the money when you can’t spend it on your fun… Slowly Lily started exploring what would become the best thing in her life. From the fun games to exploration — everything she did, she felt like a goddess.

The Fun

The journey of going around with friends and exploring the world started for Lily. Each day she would plan for the upcoming weekends. And then once it was done — she would calculate the remaining expense to plan for the remaining weekends.

Each weekend there were a different set of friends — some from school, college and the neighbors. Not everyone could come on the journey to spend and explore each weekend or fortnight. But Lily could and hence she started to go on solo trips. Or with groups arranged by the travel agent.

With each subsequent trips, the savings money she had would dip. But it was okay as long as she was having the fun.

She was assured that the rent arrangement she had would help her. Because the prices will go up and she can go back to the normal life with minimal expenses.

It suffices to say — she was having loads of fun.

The Shift

Lily feels accomplished and hopes to explore the world as her next logical step. Because she had finished the tour of her town. Pretty much everything has been covered by her. And it seems like the last 5 years has been a breeze. She felt lucky to be in a place where she could do such a thing.

But…

the rent market collapsed. And every other landlord had to decrease their prices or they would lose the tenant. And so Lily had to cut the rent by half — she was sad. Adding to the grief was the fact that she didn’t have anything from her savings. She had used all the money — for the travel purpose.

It seemed like she might find it difficult to cope up with the loss of revenue for her to sustain. She thought — it’s time to look for a job.

The Rejection

Lily’s confidence went down the drain too soon. Most of the companies weren’t looking for someone who has no experience. And not been in work culture for so long.

Somewhere between applying for 20 companies, getting frustrated and not getting enough days left till the rest of the money vanishes — she lost hope.

She called her friend — Lala for help. And they arranged to meet at the coffee shop. Lily wanted to hug, cry and vent out her feelings about the cruel world. The rejection she faced again and again. And the situation which turned upside down for her. She was ready to point every fault in the job givers, rent market and bad place she was in.

The Talk

Lala listened to every word Lily dropped at her. She understood her pain and was sympathetic about it. And Lily couldn’t control any longer — she burst into tears. Because she would become the person with no money which would make her choose tough choices. For example, selling the house and moving in the small house. So that she could survive for some time.

Lily exclaimed — its the fault of the market. If that was up, then I don’t have to worry about the money — the rent money was awesome. Why does this happen to me?

She started blaming everything and everyone she can.

Until…

Realization

Lala was angry with Lily. She calmed her down — and said the most unexpected thing: it’s your fault.

Lily was in shock. How could Lala — the best friend of her say something like that. Couldn’t she see the pain she was going through? Lily felt betrayed. She couldn’t comprehend what was going on.

Let’s take a walk, Lala exclaimed. And both of them started walking towards the park — the kids were playing, the sun was shining bright and the laughter’s voice was loud. Everyone seemed to be in a good mood and worry-free. And the following conversation happened:

Lala: Do you see these children and parents, happy and dancing.

Lily: Yes, how awesome it is…

Lala: Do you think they have no problems in life and that’s why they are happy?

Lily: Of course not, but at this moment they are enjoying the life…

Lala: Right and you did the same thing. But since you are an adult with vision — you should have prepared yourself for the tough times if they come.

Lily: But the rent market collapsed suddenly

Lala: And that’s my point, using all your savings wasn’t a good idea. Relying on one income source isn’t a good idea.

Lily: Okay, it’s my fault…(sobbing)

Lala: I am not here to make you feel bad. It’s that the life choices you make only comes back. You are responsible for what happens to you. And same happens to me and everyone else.

Lily: Fine…(wiping tears)

Lala: See, money is a cushion. Use it judiciously, try to earn and save more and secure your downtime as much you can. Travel all you want but not at the expense of your career or savings choices.

Lily: I wonder why I didn’t think of this before.

Lala: No problem…there is a shop of florist and they are looking for a sales girl. You may work there — I have already talked to them. And once you find a job which you love, you may switch.

Lily: Thank you, Lala,….

Lala: Just don’t mess up this time….and if you do mess up — remember it is your fault and its okay. Buckle up and fight the situation and make it better. You are my tiger…

Lily: What???

Lala: Roar….Grr….

Lily: GRrrr…GGGRRRr……

Lala: GRrrr…GGGRRRr……huh…huh..GRrrr…GGGRRRr……

Lily: GGGGGGGGGrrrrrrr……….