When you see someone yelling, does it trigger anger?
Do you find yourself thinking about the possibilities of a fight every now and then?
If you said yes to either of those then you are going through the over thinking phase. It happens to the best of us – you see a scenario and you play it out in your mind. You think of all the negative things that might happen which results in you becoming frustrated, agitated and sad.
But most of the times, it doesn’t happen that way. On the contrary, the situations pans out to be normal.
And even if it doesn’t in few cases, if you keep your calm then the scenario doesn’t impact you much.
Of course, saying – keep your calm is easy to say and hard to practice. But if you are focused on imagining a a lot of bad stuffs then it isn’t helping either.
To start, you need to practice thinking about good things. For example, if you see someone coming to your way – imagine her as a nice person. That is a start. Of course that won’t change the reality – but it will help you as you will tend to be nice, cool and composed.
The Negative Feed
In the world of social connection – which was meant to connect people on deeper levels and spread the knowledge, you have made it a hole of negativity. You get up and check your feed – some nice and some bad. And you share the messed up things – because it sparks discussion. Also, it is shared a lot.
The viral attention fuels your decision. You know deep inside that a good story will reach few people – you need a great story for people to retweet your tweet. But on the other hand, you need a semi-good tweet about negativity and it will land you in discussions and lots of retweets.
It is not a measure of you or anyone – a simple fact that negativity is easier to spread and sell.
That’s why newspaper look for the one negative aspect in every journalism they do. And then with the help of clickbait titles, it spreads like a wild-fire.
Slowly these habit of yours has started reflecting on the daily journey. You see the bus driver and try to find the mistake she is doing – so you can snap a picture or lecture her. You do this not to feel the righteous nudge rather to get the feeling of suppressing someone.
Becoming first among the friends to share something has made us more negative. You look for the breaking news of something bad happening and rush to share it. In the meantime, you fail to check its legitimacy. Also, you missed other good stories out there which you could have shared.
Seeing The Light
Yes there is a section of the society which is bad. And at times, you need to share and impart those things. But as an individual, you need to strike a balance. If you only spot negativity in every thing then that is a bad sign.
You will become the critic for unnecessary reason. For example, someone makes a movie on drug addict and you will question the choices. Because you feel it isn’t deserved. Well, that maybe the case – but another angle is to look on how the movie is made and appreciate the overall entertainment value.
Another example might be if you don’t get selected on an exam then you might speculate that the other girls had it easy because of their affiliation. Which may or may not be true. But you can focus your energy to level up yourself. There is inherently nothing you can do that will change the scenarios unless you do something with yourself.
So accept the defeat and if you feel you can do better – go and prepare even harder. Because you need to excel on such level that you can’t be ignored.
The crux is there will be situations in life which will be popping up. And it will have good, bad and grey side. The best thing is to look at the whole picture. The second best thing is to look on the positive sides to impart a good vibe.
And the thing which you need to avoid is to look it with suspicion, negative light. There is enough of negativity already. If you are going to put your spin on it, then why not try something positive, bright and colorful. Maybe give it a try to see how it pans out.
The Natural Progression
When you connect the dots, it all seems clear. When you make a habit to look for the negativity in every feed of yours then you will slowly start to get angry on small things. Which will eventually make you lose your calm.
I have been in this place and it feels terrible. You try to intimidate your co-passenger and you imagine every other girl is a bad person trying to create trouble. Slowly it adds like a poison and ruins your mood for many hours in a day. Do this often and you will feel grumpy most of the times.
The alternative is simple – smile and move on.
What if there is a real trouble a person is trying to create?
As long as it is mild – move on.
For example, if a person abuses you for unknowingly being pushed then smile and move on. It isn’t worth the trouble to explain and fight.
Or if the person accidentally pushes you and that results in your coins to fall – smile and move on. First she did it accidentally and even if she did intentionally it is alright to smile and move on. Because it isn’t a big deal for you. Let the other person think and realize their mistakes with your big heart. Be the one who forgives and not carry tensions with you for every other small thing.
Take A Moment
The decisions which you make in an instant is often driven by the emotions. And hence it is likely that you will regret the decision. Instead take a deep breath, let the brain do some calculation on possible outcomes and then do anything.
Delaying your muscle powers of thinking will help you make better decisions which aren’t driven by anger or sadness. Which in turn will help you remain calm.