How to deal with breakup with someone you love
There are many pains which you will encounter in your lifetime. But the tough one just right after school is the first love break up.
You have never experienced it before, and everything is new. And your body and mind don’t even understand what is happening inside of you. Of course, the consequent break up hurts too. But nothing like the first crush where you first felt that tingle.
The most heart-wrenching feeling in the world when you are young is a breakup. The first feeling of vibrations when you see someone you like is phenomenal.
As your eyes meet hers, you start to feel better, happy, and grateful for her presence. You talk, find opportunities to interact, and the feeling continues to grow. At most it is a crush because you don’t understand her and neither she understands you. Both of you are immature to understand what a relationship means.
But it doesn’t matter because you are finding this feeling amazing. The every day meet and every night chat help strengthen your so-called relationship.
You don’t love her, you like the idea of her as per your thoughts. Since this is your first love, you don’t know what happens beyond the success of a bonding.
From months to years, it starts to blossom, and if you are lucky, this relationship the first one you ever had will turn into something more. But in most cases, the first love which you swore to remain the same for eternity, breaks up.
And you end up with a vacuum. She doesn’t talk with you, there is a lacking, and you don’t know what to do. The pain is unbearable and nothing of sorts which you had experienced before. You start searching for relief…
Alcohol Or Vacation
When the pain hits, your brain seems to stop and starts making an irrational decision. Club that with the fact – many of your college friends are immature as you and you will find yourself in alcohol retreats.
Often they would entice you to drink the alcohol to forget about her. And since you are at the highest amount of pain, you have encountered – you give in.
Alcohol consumption isn’t good or bad, it is your choice, but if you do it under the influence with some vague promises, then it is a slippery slope.
The next thing which so-called friends offer you is a vacation. The idea is that the new place will help you cope up with the fact that she has gone out of your life. But if the whole idea of your vacation is to linger in your sadness, then the new place would look blurry to you. All your friends might be enjoying, and you would be questioning your approach, recreating what went wrong and then crying all night.
But all that won’t help unless you desire to make changes from within. Because the pain is internal, you need a new lens of understanding.
Reading books, crying out loud, and trying to see things rational helps. Talk with friends how you feel, learn from their past experience, and be open to other narratives. Yes, it hurts, and alcohol won’t solve it. For a moment, you might feel that the problem has vanished – only to come back later. But then you have another problem too, you are drinking too much alcohol.
When you are hit with a problem, the solution isn’t to shy away from it. Instead, stick with it and then try to remain calm.
The more you think, the more it might hurt, and this process is required to make you strong and mature. Don’t let those thoughts channel any actions, though. Think about the good times, remember all relationships come to an end – the timeline is different.
Don’t be sad that it’s over. Be happy because you got to enjoy it till it lasted. Yes, the pain is still there. Slowly, it will phase out.
Till then, engage yourself in things you love, like cooking, dancing, or whatever. Talk with friends, family, and share your need of love with parents.
Almost all the time, it is in your head. The narrative which you tell becomes the reality of yours. For example, if you keep telling yourself that she was awesome, and it hurts that she has gone then the pain will stay longer.
Instead, you can say, it hurts, but I am happy for the moments and looking forward to a more matured relationship, career, and becoming better.
The story you tell shouldn’t make you feel low. Instead, it should give you the power to become the best version of yourself. And trust me, you will – persist.